humble pie

So, here’s the thing.

I’ve been quiet lately. Really quiet. At least as far as this platform is concerned. Those who know me in everyday life can attest to the fact that I’ve been anything but silent (ie: as I talk through all the crap that’s being going on until they want to beg me to stop even though they love me entirely) but I’m not talking about that.

I’m talking about this.

I’m talking about you. About my responsibility to you.

My friend and loyal reader Anca called me out at the studio this week. She asked what had happened and why I hadn’t been writing. When I said that I was going through “some stuff” and didn’t want to burden anyone with the emotional word vomit that would doubtless ensue if I sat down in front of my computer, she promptly told me that my argument was bullshit and that my readers count on me to be totally honest, even when that honesty stings. So I’m trudging through a rough patch? So what. So is everybody. And words spoken out loud have the power to heal just as words withheld can eat at the soul.

Okay, Anca, I’m paraphrasing. But I hope I got the gist of it.

Anyway. Colour me humbled.

The truth is, things are actually good. When I stop fretting about how right now should be or could be and how my heart hurts and I’m leaving for training in a month and what if I’m not good enough and what if I’m not enough at all, life has a tendency to be pretty beautiful. I’m blessed with so much – friends, family, a job that challenges and excites me, a supportive yoga community, a beautiful place to live. In spite of a yucky cold and all the “stuff” going on, I practiced yoga three times this week and was reminded that sweat, like tears, eases most hurts. I nourished my body with nutritious food and sublimated my emotional junk into poems that might even go some place. I laughed a lot. I cried a lot. I woke up feeling like the wrong end of a dog, and I woke up feeling holy. There’s been so much life going on lately and realize now that I don’t need to hide that just because not all of it is easy.

I promised you honesty.

I promise you’ll get it.

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One thought on “humble pie

  1. Anca says:

    Yes, you got the gist of it. And I finally realized what this is all about: it’s the yoga training, isn’t it? I have one thing to say, said to me recently by someone I regard as a mentor: it’s okay to be nervous, it’s even good to be nervous; if you weren’t nervous, it means that you don’t challenge yourself, you don’t push your limits. And again, just write, about anything and everything, even if you think that your readers don’t feel like reading about not-so-positive and not-so-happy stuff. So what? The next entry will be amazing! You are a great person, you’ll make a good teacher, and you write well, from the heart. And I enjoy reading your stuff, good and bad, because it makes me feel normal as well.

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